If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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