Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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