I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
