just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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