you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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