Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
