my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize