I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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