I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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