Christians are straight up FREAKS
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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