Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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