Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
