You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
