Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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