Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
