final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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