he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
