I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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