i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
