You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
