so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
