I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
