Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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