btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
