I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
