Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
