Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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