i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
