I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
