I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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