New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
