At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
