Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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