About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
