Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
