once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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