Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Small penises have feelings too.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
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