I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
