Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
