her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
