With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
