Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
