Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
