her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
