I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
