Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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