Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
