Where is the hickey?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
