this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
