when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
