I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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