I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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