If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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