Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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