after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
