man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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