ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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