I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
