So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
