make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
