can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize