We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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