lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
