i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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