Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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