Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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