I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
