can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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