Buhtt sex?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
