and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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