Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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