I'm drive I can fine osifer
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
