Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
