yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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